Category Archives: cloud nine girl

Monday Morning Makeover: Balance and keeping my eyes on the stars and one foot firm on the ground

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Over the last few days, I have felt the need to reassess balance in my life. Dreams verses the moment. My current roles verses the ones I want for me in the future. Dreaming is never easy and so now I’m working real hard to recreate a daily schedule so I can be everything I need to be and also strive so hard to live.
What does this mean?
It means I work harder with a plan. It means I organize my day and try to follow most of the steps, but not feeling disappointed when sometimes I have to jump over one step or fall backwards down a few to the bottom of the cold hard floor.
How do I plan to do this?
Begin early. Stick with my 4:30 a.m. plan. Say my prayers and feel grateful for each day I have a chance to live my dreams, write and push harder to get the things done I want to do for me.
And the rest of the day?
I am the mom. I focus on the family. I focus on work, and friends, and my household. I take care of all my responsibilities and help my family be all they can be. And at the end of the day, if I’m not tired, I sneak in a few more selfish moments for me.
What issues do I face?

Stepping outside of my whirlwind thoughts. Shutting down my characters and plot lines racing through my head, and how to lock myself in the here and now. Playing with my babies. Laughing, singing, being the mom I love to be. And this week? I have one huge obstacle in my path. Surgery. But it has to be done and recovery is hopefully only 6 days. When it’s over, I’ll be breathing freer and clearer than I ever would have known.
 So when you want something to happen, dream it. Do it. Remember the balance. I swear by my lists. I just don’t swear myself to every step anymore, because life is messy. Just a  bunch of puzzle pieces thrown in a box and we have to sort through them. Some of the pieces will fit. Some won’t, and that’s okay too.

Friday Flashback: Just a story about a girl who never felt smart enough

I once had an English teacher with an infamous reputation so big and scary most of my classmates dreaded the return to school in the fall. She had red curly hair. A stare so narrow it could cut a person to their knees in seconds. And that thin fine mouth. She’d squeeze it so tight you couldn’t see her lips. We kept hoping every year, she’d retire—but she didn’t.
It was my Junior Year in High school, the last semester, and the class was assigned to groups of three for our end of the year project. A book we’d never read. A paper, a project, and teaching the class a lesson over the book. I was petrified of public speaking at that point. I was so scared of saying the right words I often defeated myself from over thinking. Needless to say, I never thought I’d make it through that project with a decent grade. I stayed up hours, burning the candle at both ends, tired beyond tired. I think my dad carried me up the steps at one point, when I’d fallen asleep in the middle of a late night study group. I’d wake up with dark circles under my eyes the next morning. My feet felt so heavy I swore cement blocks were tied to the bottoms of my shoes.  I had this problem back then. I wanted to be smarter than I thought I was. I worked so hard to make good grades I think I actually made worse grades because of the amount of stress I piled on top of myself. I realized much later, I couldn’t accept me for me.
Some of who we are when we’re young carries over into who we are today, and this week, I remembered all too clearly the fear of failing when so much pressure rides on my shoulders. I let the stress take hold of my mind at many moments this week, causing more mistakes to happen, than if I would have stopped myself and taken a moment to find some peace.  I realize now, I still want everything to be perfect, but I’ve also learned, I will live if it isn’t.  I know now, mistakes happen, and yes, I’ll make them.  And I’ve finally accepted my role as a perfectly imperfect human being. The best news is this, every day ends.  I’ll go home. I’ll crawl into bed. And when I wake up, the sun will shine with the promise of a new day.
So don’t forget, tomorrow is always a new day and you have every opportunity to make your dreams happen all over again.
Hugs!
Erika

Setbacks can make really great comebacks

http://www.fromheretome.com

It’s been an interesting couple of weeks. The flu has been a difficult pest to shake. But It’s also made me think about the importance of speed and goals.

Maybe setbacks are purposeful things. Maybe we’re supposed to have them to help us appreciate where we were when we were so close to the top of that mountain. I’m not sure.
What I do know is this week has seemed extra hard to get it together and get something done. I’ve felt all out of sorts, and in more ways than one. But I won’t think about the bad. I want to focus on what went right.
And here’s my short list I’d thought I’d share:
I managed to get up early three out of the four days this week. I pushed through some of the brain fog and I came up with a few great scenes for my next chapter, which has something to do with a lighthouse, a few scary characters and two best friends discovering deep secrets about each other they should have never been hiding.
And potty training the two-year-old? Well, I saw progress in her actions. She now verbalizes when she needs to get there and is definitely dry most of the day.  There’s still a bargaining chip on the table, like getting her to do the unmentionable in the potty instead of where she seems comfortable going.  But with a trip to Chuck e Cheese as a giant reward at the end of the week, repeating that reward with her and what she needs to do to get it, slowly, I’m seeing progress there, too.   
I taught a really great PiYo class Thursday night, leaving the entire class shaking and trembling from exhaustion. If you want to visit a link to the exercises we did in class, here’s a great tidbit.  Challenging workouts are fun for me because I’m in love with fitness, and I have been ever since I started working out at 13 to battle my weight.  The gym is oddly a peaceful place and I hadn’t been back there since my Yoga class on Saturday—right before the flu settled deep into my bones.
And today? My energy is back. My brain is a little better and positive vibes are pulsing through my muscles once again. I have a goal for my weekend. I plan to get through one entire chapter, hopefully hitting the 60,000 word mark on my rewrites. Goal number two is of course,  to hit the gym at least once.
And now for the bad stuff. Na. Doesn’t really matter. Not when I can still see my dream in front of my face. Not while I’m already heading straight for it and I plan to get there—at a snail’s pace? You never know. But never give up. Eventually I know my push will pay off.  
Ever had a setback in your life teach you more because you fell backwards? I’d love to hear…
~Erika
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Who Made You, You?

from mary Keller on pinterest.com

I’m feeling very thankful.

I’m excited I’ve had people in my life who believe in me.

I love the fact that I have others in my life who love my dream as much as I do, for me.

So today, I’m writing about that moment. Not the birds and the bees; but the second my life changed, where  my one big dream shaped into a seed. The moment in my life someone took that seed and helped me plant it in the ground right under my feet. I’m talking about my first grade teacher, Mrs. Heinz.

And the story goes something like this…

Once upon a time—okay, thirty years ago—I’m sitting on the floor in pigtails, rainbow sparkle shoes and jeans. I’m squeezed in with 18 other classmates on a pink carpet, legs criss crossed and eyes glued to my teacher at the front of the room. It was story time and it didn’t matter what our teacher read out-loud—Mrs. Heinz had a voice that could silence the room—in a good way.

Finally, she closes the book. She sends us back to our seats and we scuttle off like mice frantic to be the first one to our desks.

“Erika, stay with me for a second.”

I freeze. A giant ear-to ear stretching smile lifts my face as I turn around. I loved Mrs. Heinz. She helped me make sense out of a bunch of scratches on a page and to see the letters out of all those scratches—eventually turning those letters into words.

Mrs. Heinz hands me a white card. I recognize it. An assignment, a story from a dream we could remember. Little unicorns decorated the top of the stationary drawn with my own two hands. Beneath those unicorns, I’d written my first story ever—a girl who could call the unicorns—a girl who could ride them anytime she was sad.

Mrs. Heinz bent down to me and put a hand on my shoulder. “Erika, you’re going to be a writer someday. I loved your story.”

I’ll never forget the picture of her face. I’ll never forget the way I felt when she said it. I was good at something. I was good at something I loved to do. So I wrote. I wrote my way through middle school and high school and then something terrible happened when I started college—I stopped.

I’ve often wondered why—why did it take me 30 years to cycle back to my one greatest dream?

To be honest, I think I forgot how to sit still with my thoughts. Life became so busy with college and work and of course friends and fun.

So now I leave you with my favorite thought of the week because it’s never too late.

Chase what you want. Run as fast as you can to catch it. Sooner or later it will happen. I just know it.

Thought of the Week:
“It is never too late to be what you might have been.” – George Eliot
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