Category Archives: cloud nine girl
Friday Flashback: Turning Fear Into Fun At My First Dance Ever
The year was 1990. Spring Time. The promise of night broke through the orange and pink skyline. A line of cars waited nose to rear out front of my middle school gym.
“Bye dad,” I mumbled, shutting the door, straightening out my striped rose colored shirt and matching pleated shorts. He loved that car, a really old model, he’d bought from one of his clients.
The gym stood behind the school, a separate building. I looked back at my dad driving away down the road and I walked calmly toward the entrance, squishing little pebbles under my brown Eastland shoes. The kind with the curly-q yellow laces I begged to have, so I could fit in. The kind with the slick bottoms that betrayed me many times in winter when I walked to school, me slipping on the ice and bruising my tailbone when I completely wiped out by falling backwards on my backside.
The gym was darker inside than I remembered from class. I handed my ticket away. Music boomed. Classmates started to sway in the center while more of my classmates stood around in groups talking, too embarrassed to get out there and dance. I have to admit, I was one of them.
I found my friends standing way against the far wall and I wove through the crowds to meet them, sighing and breathing a little fast, totally nervous and reminding myself, I was a different girl. Older, no longer pudgy from all the Pizza Hut Pizza and Spangles Hamburgers. White straight teeth no longer sparkled with braces. Three months before, the brackets came off. Right at the time I decided to change my life. To change my diet. To stop eating the things that made my stomach hurt. To start exercising. Taking aerobics classes and surrounding myself with others, music, and learning dancy moves. I loved dance. Aerobics was the next best thing I could find after I’d stopped taking ballet when I was nine.
My hands felt sweaty. I looked around the crowd, watching and wondering what to do. Do I stay here and talk all night? Do I dare dance? Fears raced through my head. Scared no one would ask me out there and not knowing if I’d really want them too, anyway. Scared of dancing in front of people. Scared of saying the right thing to just about anyone.
We stayed huddled together, me and the girls, until Jenny’s eyes went wide. I don’t remember if she said anything at all, all I remember is someone grabbing my hand, me whirling around, me suddenly planting my feet in shock recognizing Michael, one of the 7th graders in the science class, the class I interned as an older 8th grader. Michael had my hands and proceeded to drag me along the tiled floor—straight to the center of the dancers. And they were good.
I don’t remember what he said to me either, but I think it was something like, “Come on Erika. You’ve got to dance with me.”
I just remember the sparkle in his ornery dark eyes. He threw my arms around his neck and I laughed because he was smiling so big. I stopped fighting my fear once I realized how much fun everyone was having. No one cared what I looked like, too busy moving in their own little worlds. So I danced with him. My first dance ever. In the gym. With a boy. And it was so much fun.
I wanted to share this story tonight because our fears and our worries can keep us from doing some really amazing things, and when we finally let go of the fear and we trust blindly in someone else or even ourselves, the thing right in front of us, our one big fear in the moment, is actually REALLY fun.
Day 11: When the fuel burns out, I find a little inspiration in these great quotes
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| frecklesandivory.tumblr.com |
Two things can get in the way of my dreams if I’m not careful. Worrying too much, and fearing too many things. So when I feel my mind start to go down a path I don’t want to take in the moment, I’m quick to grab a little inspiration from some recent quotes. I could tell you exactly what they mean to me, but I’d rather you let them mean something to you, in your own way, not mine.
Making Choices Every Day.
“Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.” ~ Groucho Marx
Be You. That’s All You Can Do.
“Shine with all you have. When someone tries to blow you out, just take their oxygen and burn brighter.”
~Katelyn S. Irons
Joys in Life.
“I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.”
~Audrey Hepburn
Fear can be Pretty Scary. Do it Anyway.
“Sometimes you just have to jump out the window and grow wings on the way down.”
~Ray Bradbury
So these are my little nuggets of hope. Do you have a quote that means something to you? I’d love to hear it.
Day 10: A Day In The Life Of…
1. 4:30ish a.m. The alarm goes off. I wake up with a jolt and shut it off quick so my little early birds don’t hear it, and get up right along with me. Cyrus, our Boxer, nuzzles my hand ready to be fed, pronto!
2. Hopefully, I’ll have some time to feel inspired. I’ll sneak in an hour or so of writing in, and sip on a great cup of coffee.
6:00 a.m. Time to get ready for work and I hope and pray the kids stay asleep until at least 6:30 a.m. Usually my son wakes up around 6:15. Some days it’s earlier than that.
3. 6:30 a.m. Wake up the kids, get them their cups of milk and coax them into their outfits for the day. They pile in our bed and watch a few cute cartoons.
5. 7:30 a.m. I usually pull up to work, rush in the door and I am greeted first thing by two furry friends! George, my giraffe, was a gift to me my senior year in college. I’ve taken him with me to every job I’ve ever had where he sits on the computer.
6. Gus the gecko is a new addition as of last year. He hangs out on the top of my cube. Right above a couple of drawings. The one right below him is Werewolf Jesus. My son drew him last summer. I definitely will have the write a post on that one in a few weeks.
8:00 a.m. I’ve eaten my weird breakfast of Greek yogurt, whey protein powder and flax meal because I’m on a health kick right now. I’ve also probably downed a second cup of coffee while planning my to-do-list for the day. I’ve sorted through my emails and I’m on to planning some fun event. I start to juggle my basket of tasks from planning, to proofing, designing, photography, editing, just to name a few.
11:30 a.m. I’m starving for lunch, so I head home and devour something healthy. I think today I had a can of Campbell’s soup. It was sort of delicious.
12:30 p.m. I head back to the office. I work some more and the afternoon rushes by as I check off my list.
4:00 p.m. Some days I rush to the YMCA to try to squeeze in a good hour of a workout. 20 minutes of cardio. 10 minutes of lifting weights. 20 minutes of cardio to finish out the workout. I try to finish up with yoga, but on the days I’m running behind, I don’t quite make it to the stretch part. Today, I didn’t make it to the gym at all.
8. 6:45 p.m. A game of some sort. A new routine I’ve started right after dinner. Less TV, more games and drawing with colored pencil. Tonight? Hi ho cherry o!
7:00 p.m. is definitely bath time with about 30 minutes of snuggle time right afterwards. Many nights they wind down with Sprout TV.
8:00 p.m. Bedtime! Sometimes they just don’t want to go, but we’re stringent and they know it. Dad sometimes carts them off to their bedrooms with a pony express ride like he did tonight. Quick stops drop them off in their bedrooms where we say our prayers, and something we’re grateful for in our day. Today? My son said Mommy. My daughter said her best friend’s name and her teacher. They made her happy and that makes me happy.
8:30 p.m. I either blog or I write for a bit and start to fizzle about an hour later.
10:11 p.m. The End. Closing up a bit later than I hoped. Oh well.
Day Nine: Bucket Lists make us stare at our fears and do something
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..it’s scary and different, but what if?
Today’s blog challenge asks me to look at my bucket list. Up to today, I’ve had five things I wanted to do in my life. I always thought, keep the list small. Keep the things doable. But now that this blog challenge asks me to think about a bucket list, I wonder why in the world have I limited myself to five things?
Fear probably. I have to take a hard look at my life and face a few things. First of all, I can’t live in today. I have to forecast my future. So let’s say I get a few ideas down. Then what? Well, I have to figure out how to make it happen. Break down the steps. Wonder about the cost. Time scares me too, because right now I feel like I’m constantly running to stay on the tail end of life, and I’m running so fast I can barely catch my breath–but I’m still trying.
Imagination. I have a little bit of this I could spare. ;0) But then I have to deal with the follow-through, which is another scary thought.
But what if? What if I made my bucket list and tried to do one thing this year. Could you do it? Would you try it?
Maybe we should challenge each other a little bit here.
So here goes. Here’s a list I’ve thought carefully about, and these items are in no particular order of importance.
A hot air balloon ride.
I’ve always dreamed about them when I ‘ve seen the big bright balloons drifting in the sky. They’re beautiful. They’re happy.
Dancing.
I’m pulling this one straight from my dream list. I haven’t started it yet, so I figured I could count it as one. Beauty and the Beast style. The dress. The sparkly shoes. And the moves. That is what I want.
Travel.
I want to see Africa. The Lions. The Chimpanzees. To get in a jeep and track some of the wildlife.
Italy. I want to take a Gondola ride. I’ve been to Italy once before, but I never went to some of the cities on the water.
Fiji. I definitely want to go there. I don’t have a real reason aside from all the beautiful island pictures I’ve seen.
Alaska. To see the whales and the Polar bears in their natural habitat.
The Statue of Liberty. I’ve been to New York City twice, but have never stood next to her statue and I’d like that.
Learn a Language: Spanish.
And I want to be able to speak it.
Writing.
I need to finish my novel, move on to the trilogy, and start my next couple of series I have ruminating around in my head.
Head/Handstand. I teach Yoga. Strength and balance are important to me. I’d love to do both of these things someday, and sooner much rather than later.
A rose garden.
I’ll never forget my babysitter’s backyard growing up. She had the most beautiful rose garden, with a stone fountain in the center and a perfect path of stone steps leading right to the heart. I want to design my own garden. To pick my own flowers and wear them in my hair if I want.
Paint.
Another item from my dream list. I want to take another painting class and make something straight from my heart. I never finished an oil painting in school. Wouldn’t that be something?
Make a Difference.
I want to continue pursuing a path to inspire people. To help people believe in their dreams.
Mentor.
I’d like to be a mentor to students in school at some point again. To help them dream and to figure out how to make their dreams come true.
Broadway.
I’ve never been to a Broadway show. I’d like to see something fun like Chicago.
Disney World. I’ve been there at a conference. But I’d love to take my kids. I’d love to actually ride the rides and see their faces as they stare all of their favorite cartoons in the face. Hug them. Laugh. Wow. What a moment.
I’m sure I’ll think of more now that I’m thinking about. I’ll probably add a few from time to time. But if you’re needing some ideas, here’s a couple of web resources I found on the spot.
Register a bucketlist profile. It’s free. I did it. http://bucketlist.org/accounts/register/
If you’re not into joining something, take a peek at this website. It listed tons of ideas. http://daringtolivefully.com/bucket-list-ideas
And if you feel like taking a second to think and sharing one thing on your list, I’d love to hear it.
~Erika
Cloud Nine Girl 