Category Archives: Erika Beebe
Friday Flashback: I Made Myself Jump Off The Edge
I am eight years old.
I climb slow up a metal ladder. Kids are laughing around me. Moms are yelling at their kids to stop running. The sun beats down on my face and I’m sweating. I’m scared. I’m scared of falling the huge amount of feet from the high dive into the swimming pool, but I’ve made up my mind. I’m doing it. Today. I’m not waiting another day.
I get to the plank. The texture of the board hurts my feet. I walk slow wondering if I’m doing the right thing. What will happen when I hit the water? What if I’m not strong enough to swim all the way back to the top, and I’d always been scared of running out of air under water. It was how I learned to swim. My teacher held my head under the water so I’d get the point of learning how to keep my mouth closed.
It worked. But ever since, I couldn’t shake the thought that I’d never get back up.
I stand on the plank, my toes curling over the edge. I see the water everywhere around me, just not directly past my round little eight-year-old belly. I think I had short hair back then. My mom cut it that way and curled it every morning right before school.
Last chance, I think. You can still turn around. You might make everyone behind you a little mad, but who cares. They can’t make you. I didn’t look back though. I took a breath. I stepped my sun tanned foot off the edge and I fell in with my arms flying straight up in the air.
I remember the crash. The minute I hit the water and the minute I sank as far as I’d go and paddled and kicked and I fought so hard I saw the top of the water and I broke through it—free.
I did it. I swam to the edge of the pool and I looked back at the ripple in the water.
I guess I’m thinking about a high dive today because it’s become a way I get through tough moments sometimes. Dreams can be scary. You never know when you might see a little bitty light shining through a crack in the door, or the window, or in this case, off a pool of water. Working and trying and deciding it’s worth it, is definitely worth it. So when I’m scared of taking a step out there and risking my heart and my soul in front of others, I remember that high dive. I remember the importance of risk and trust that when I fall, in some way I just know it, I’ll figure it out and I’ll fly.
Everyday has the power to bring you something brighter and better
After a really great weekend, I’m steering the course and getting back on track
Monday Makeover: It’s a brand new week and I jumped out of the bed with my arms flying in the air…
Yelling, “This is the week!”
This may not be the week where my dream explodes full force into reality, but it feels good to wake up like that and say the words out loud. It gives me the strength and the belief to put that next foot out there and to get up when my alarm screams so loud it shakes my tired head off the pillow. And sometimes, I need a little over enthusiasm to remind myself my mood is in my own hands. Some of it is physiological I guess, but there are others things I can do to wash that staleness right on out.
The weekend was good. Grandma and grandpa kept the kids overnight Friday, which made me a little sad because I absolutely without a doubt love putting them to bed, saying prayers and blowing kisses. I can’t wait until the moment I hear their sweet voices calling out for me, shuffling to the bed in the morning, crawling in and wrapping their little arms around me so happy just to be together. So it was hard to leave them, knowing I’d miss that moment, but I know it’s good for everyone in the long run. Sigh. I survived, and my weekend turned out pretty great.
So what did I do?
I wrote. I saw a really great blues band, Samantha Fish with one of my besties, and worked out. Power Yoga. Did my split cardio and weight strengthening routine. After the kids napped, we piled in the car and went to my nephews third birthday party, a great relief when it’s cold outside. New toys, new surroundings, and a little group of kids to get silly with. The highlight of my Sunday was something so simple—a cleaning party! I’m convinced now, anything can be made fun for kids. It’s all how you spin it. They raced against each other like racecars, scrubbing the bathroom floor with their sponges, helping clean the shower and we challenged each other in a final race down hall with toys in our arms, seeing who could make it to the right spot and put the toy where it belonged the fastest! Later that night, we ended the day with pizza picnic in a tent in the living room, surrounded in pillows and blankets and watched a movie(though they end up right on top of me on the couch in a dogpile with all the blankets on top). ;0)
So after such a great weekend, how do we forward into Monday, happy to be moving forward?
I’m dreaming. I’m planning. I’m not giving Monday a negative thought and I’m steering the course with both hands on the wheel, my foot on the pedal and being mindful not to gas it too hard so I miss the world. I’m getting up at 4:30 a.m. I’m having my cup of coffee. I’m looking at my favorite quotes and pictures to start my day and I’m writing. I’m going to work, I’m dreaming and planning, and I’m doing my best each day. And now I’ve added a new goal. I’m getting healthy again. Because by accomplishing a smaller goal, tracking what goes in my mouth, taking care of my body and building more strength so I can ultimately do the headstand I’m aiming to do, I’m helping my mind and my body. I’m more creative now. I remember more things. And patience? There’s more of it to spread around. ;0)
What about you? What little thing can you do this week to help boost your mood and steer the course to something bigger and better in your life?
A Friday snapshot from my life: Just a girl who owned a snake once
I spent a huge chunk of my life hanging out in a zoo in my hometown in Kansas.
One of my really great friends lived across the street. We were sort of twins for awhile, hanging out, spending every moment together we could carpooling to the nearest zoo in winter; in summer, we road our bikes. I loved the summer months. I’d wake up ready for the day, eat my bowl of Corn Chex (which is really weird because now I’m completely allergic to corn), throw on my blue volunteer shirt and leave my house every morning around 8:30 to pedal the four miles to the zoo. I’d stay there until noon, preparing animal diets, scooping unmentionable byproducts after breakfast, and shadow a basic zookeeper routine almost every day of the week. High noon struck and I’d ride my purple mountain bike back home, head to my friend’s house so I could turn around and accompany her to the zoo by 1:00. She’d spend the rest of the afternoon with the same zookeeper while I busied myself watching the chimps or the spider monkeys, typing in my observations into some really ancient computer. We’d head back to our houses at 4:00, she to hers and me to mine, where I spent the rest of my day far away from my bicycle and doing whatever else teenagers did in my day. ;0)
So at 13, I already had a different outlook about animals: charting behavior patterns of Chimpanzees, cleaning up after smiling singing dogs, dangerous Cassowaries while avoiding a pair of stalking vultures just waiting to jump on my back outside of an exhibit. Heckle and Jekyll. Perfect names right? I’m proud to say I even spent some time cleaning up after Hippos.
So in college, when I hung out with a Herpetology major for awhile, I don’t think my mom was shocked a bit by my new choice of pet: A Ball Python. I took it with me to college. I took it with me to class. I’d wrap him around my arm, throw on a jacket and most of the time, he’d sleep and no one ever knew. I didn’t think anything of it. I loved my snake. It was normal to me—but I guess, maybe I wasn’t all that normal to begin with. LOL.
One day, in the middle of the History of Architecture class, my snake woke up. He poked out his nose from underneath my sleeve and his little tongue flicked out tasting the air. A girl just sat down next to me in class. She screamed so loud and jumped about 4 rows of seats, hit the floor and ran wild from the room. I felt bad. Really I did. But I still loved that snake. He pulled his head back under my jacket sleeve and went back to paying total attention to himself.
Cloud Nine Girl 