Category Archives: changing my heart
It’s Tuesday after work. I’ve clocked the kids out at school, gathered their papers for the day, their coats and buckled them in the car. We’re sitting at a stoplight, the light turns green and off we go on the drive to our house when my son makes an observation out loud, igniting a mini feud in the car.
Big Brother: Sis, we are going to Target first and then we’re going home and mommy’s going to make dinner.
Little Sis: No, Simon. That’s not right. We are not going to target.
Big Brother: Yes, sis! Mommy said that’s what we are doing.
While Mom chuckles under her breath as they go back a forth a few more times.
Finally, Me: Sis, Simon told you the truth. His feelings are hurt. Please say Sorry, Simon, You were right.”
Sis says: I’m sorry Simon, in her sweet little voice.
Me: Now tell him he was right.
Sis says: But mom, I don’t want to tell him he’s right.
I tried not to laugh. It was a hilarious moment where I wanted to say, when do we learn this stuff?
I have been in so many moments where I’ve felt myself caught in wanting to be right. My face feels warm. My heart rate picks up a few too many notches, and I know, words are just about to fly out of mouth—and they’re all the wrong words. Maybe the words do fly out of my mouth. I’m human. I lose it. And the funny thing is, it’s usually because I’m living so deeply in my personal story about the cause of the whole fight, I haven’t stopped to take in any new information to change my heart.
The best advice I heard in all my training experiences was this simple line: be curious. When something isn’t right, wonder about the person. Wonder about what their day, their moment, even their life must be like right now. That one question changed my life. No, I’m not good at it, but at least I know and I can make a strong effort to try.
So I guess my point of the day is this, we need people. I need people. And people may even need me from time to time. It’s always a good thing to try and see through the eyes of someone else. The person standing in our way of doing our job. The person on the other side who keeps telling us no, when all we want to hear is a yes. Some circumstances can’t be helped—true. But at least, if we try to understand where that other person is, in the moment, even if it is a permanent no, at least the answer goes down a little easier.
One of my dreams for myself is working on changing my heart. So, I’m thinking and I’m reflecting about the moments when I face defeat, or when someone says no to me, or anything else that doesn’t seem reasonable, how can I make it reasonable?
I don’t want to ever give up. So what that means for me is, I need to build a state of understanding in my head and my heart. I have to think, Erika, you are not always right. And maybe, just maybe I can show my kids this! Now, wouldn’t that be something.