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Thank you Raimey!

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Overwriting dialogue is a difficult balance for me. I’m an over explainer. It’s something I learned as a mom. So when my editor mentioned streamlining my lines and tightening up some of the descriptive elements in my last submission, I picked up a great resource called How to Write Dazzling Dialogue, by James Scott Bell.

Today, I’m sharing a few fast tips on the art of “Compression.”

1. Watch for extra words in the beginning of dialogue lines. When we talk, we like to say, “Well, Like, Yes, No.”

These extra “fluff” words can often be cut. Unless there is some giant reason for the way the character talks, like in the case of a particular profession, dialogue does flow more smoothly, and I hadn’t thought of this point until the book showed me it’s effectiveness.

Example:

I pace the wall along the bedroom and stop short of my boyfriend Edward.
“Why do you always answer a question with a question?” I ask. “It’s so irritating.”
“I do? I mean, I guess it helps me think.” He steps backwards into the doorway.
“Well, stop.” I say. “I hate it.”
“What do you suggest I do?”
“Really? All I want is for you to be honest.” I cross my arms. “I’m done here.”

Thinner Example:

I pace the wall along the bedroom and stop short of my boyfriend Edward. “Why do you answer a question with a question?” I ask.
“I guess it helps me think.”
“I hate it.”
“What do you suggest I do?” He asks.
“Be honest.” I cross my arms. “I’m done.”

An exercise to help: Take a current piece of dialogue and make a second version. Cut it to the bone. Read it. See which one shines

2. Description elements in dialogue determine the pace.

Scott mentions two ways to write dialogue, either with white space or descriptive element scattered in dialogue.

The reason to cut dialogue description is pace. If you need to speed up things, cut the description to add more white space. If you need to slow it down, add more of it.

Example:

I stand in the doorway staring at Dylan; my heart hammers a million miles an hour.
“You’re really here,” I say, stepping back until I meet the wall.
“Did you plan to forget me?” Dylan asks, brow lifted.
Heat hit my cheeks. “You did that for me, remember?”
He drops his chin, his gentle gaze locks with mine, “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”
I fidget with the hem on my dress. “I forgive you, but I won’t forget.”

The thinner version:

I stand in the doorway staring at Dylan; my heart hammers a million miles an hour as I say, “You’re really here.”
“Did you plan to forget me?”
“You did that for me, remember?”
He drops his chin, his gentle gaze locks with mine, “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”
“I forgive you, but I won’t forget.

As I read on, I came across this perfect line and my editor’s comments clicked, “Use dialogue like an orchestra leader’s baton. Slow down, speed up, make music,” (Page 88).

3. Proofread your dialogue for common punctuation mistakes.

One mistake I used to make, was capitalizing “He said” or “She said” after the dialogue. Yikes!

4. One major tip is where to put the attribution. Bell suggests to add it before or after the first complete phrase.

Example of what works:

Tonya said, “Keep your voice down. You don’t want to wake the baby.”

Or this:

“Keep your voice down,” Tonya said. “You don’t want to wake the baby.

Not this:

“Keep your voice down. You don’t want to wake the baby,” Tonya said. Action beats and dialogue attributes should both be used.

5. Action beats create the picture for the reader.

Too much of this creates hurdles in clarity. Bell suggests action beats work best when they enhance what the character is feeling and add to the scene.

Question: Any other fantastic dialogue tips? I’d love to hear them. Happy Hop Day 🙂