Then something happens. An unexpected event. You throw on the brakes way before you’re ready to stop, and you don’t know what to do.

Tuesday night rolled around, and suddenly my little one started to cling. She wanted mommy. She wandered in the bed at night and she couldn’t get to sleep. The next day the doctor said nothing was wrong besides her fever, so you wait and you hope and you pray that’s it. But sleep became harder to steal with the little one in the bed every night, rolling around every hour, screaming and crying and I felt so bad. And being the momma, life stops until all is well again in the family, including work. Thank goodness for Grandma. She came to the rescue a few times when I needed it.

Friday arrived and the fever skyrocketed. Another doctor visit. Tests were run, but nothing turned up right away, until her oxygen levels were checked, more than once—the verdict? Pneumonia.

 I won’t lie. I’ll just say it. Sick babies wear you down. You love them. You are there holding them, but your best becomes way less than that, and your feel like a zombie. 

Sunday saved me. Finally back to a routine with her sleeping in the bed, and eating solid food again, we had a major meltdown. My sweet little girl tends to turn into an instant tornado in a blink of an eye. This time it was over breakfast and sitting in my lap. She worked herself up into a giant fit, erupting, and crying and holding her breath. My calm Sunday mood hit the floor and I had to do something different before I lost it all.

We all have our signs. For me? Instant tenseness. I hold my breath. My words get short. And I try so hard not to yell.

So what do you do?

Music works. Breathing works. But there’s a point when you just need it all. I needed a complete change in my environment, so I dressed the kids and we drove straight to church where I could listen to the music, feel the energy, and above all things, find my faith. It worked! 

But my patience is still running a little thin. So I’m making it a focus this week. I read a really great article on patience and in a nutshell, here’s what I plan to do based on what I read: 

Identify my common triggers. What are the words my daughter says that set me off? What are her actions? What can I do to keep them from getting out of control? What can I do at work to focus my attention and maximize the time I spend in the office, since now, my second little one is home sick.

I’m following a mantra: “You’re doing your best. Hang on,” and I’m hoping it helps. I’m also remembering to breathe and to close my eyes to shut out the moment.

 I might sing a song or empty the dishwasher. Strangely enough, emptying the dishwasher is the first thing I do when my patience fizzles. 

I also plan to look for humor and remember a whole lot of love. Because looking back, these moments can be a little funny, and I won’t ever get time or love back with my babies.