In my case last week, my father’s heart attack brought on all kinds of feelings and memories threatening to steal my senses. I try hard not to think about the moments that make me sad. But I’ve also found certain triggers will bring on the memories before you have a chance to stop them. And this week I faced quite a few of these triggers. Maybe a song, or a word, or something my dad used to say. Pictures are fantastic at bringing out all sorts of things from the file cabinet in my head. I felt so overwhelmed and I sunk into the thought trap: I could have done this better. I could have been a better daughter. I could have been a better friend.
Then before I knew it, guilt grabbed hold of me and all the boulders kept tumbling down.
But then I woke up.
Boulders can fall on you, around you or near you at any time. They fall down on you no matter who you are with. At least it seems that way in my case. And now that I’ve swallowed this huge lump in my throat, I realize the dangers of triggers and how anger as a reaction, has taken me away from some of the things I want or have wanted the most.
I’ve decided I’m not going to live in the past. I’m going to make my circle of influence, something I learned years ago in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Whatever seems heavy in your heart, write it down. Think about what you do to make a difference. If you can’t influence any part of the worries, then I plan to do my best to let it go and forgive. Regrets are no fun. I want to live forward because that’s what I think the heart of dream catching is all about.