Baggage Sometimes Sticks And Then What

My heart hurt just a little when I woke up and went into work. I checked my email, did my to-do list and picked up the phone after it rang. I sat it down, turned back to the design project I was finishing up, when a woman in my office stopped by and leaned over my cube.

“You’re always so happy when you answer the phone.”

Her eyes were sad. Her grin was weak. I felt bad for a second, but then realized at least I helped her smile.

Life isn’t easy. It isn’t easy to always smile and to answer the phone with a calm accommodating voice. But I do it. There are days when I wake up and I don’t want to budge. I don’t want to think. I don’t want to answer the phone and be happy.

I have to though, and I have to give the stranger on the phone my best shot for kindness. Why? Because they don’t deserve my garbage.

I’m human. I fall down. And I’ve certainly screwed up. It gets stuck inside and I think and think until I drive myself crazy. I have to pick myself up though, and it’s not always easy.

So what do I do that helps?

I look at pictures around my desk—one’s I’ve place around that purposefully remind me of good times. I keep funny little things my kids say and I read them. I read happy quotes. I think about my dreams and I want them.

The moment when I knew I could make my dreams happen was a hard one. I was in the eighth grade and I was really overweight. I had been really overweight for along time. People said to me, girls always go through a pudgy phase. I think I was 8 when the pudges became more than manageable. Lucky for me, no one at school was really mean to me about it. But outside of school, I can’t say that that was true. I quit taking dance lessons over it. My teacher made me feel so bad. There were others too, but that’s not the point.

I looked at my mirror, at all the inspiring people I had taped up on my wall and decided I wanted something different. I was on the road to high school and I had dreams of getting out of town and finding the perfect job, the place to live, and the family I wanted. Losing weight became one of my dreams. That’s when I realized the power in me.  One day at a time. One meal at a time. Exercise three days a week. It was slow to fall off at first, but then 40 pounds just melted away. And reaching that goal was a wake up call: I knew if I worked and wanted something, I had the power to make it happen.

Today, when I don’t feel so great, I tell myself, no matter what still jumps around inside of me, I will go in and do my job. I will go in and do it well because they need me.

Because that’s another step in making my dreams come true. My dad said to me today, “think good thoughts and say good things. Nice thoughts and good things will make their way to you eventually.”

That made me smile. I love you dad, you helped me stay on track. Again, sometimes it’s the little things that matter. Believe in them. And believe in you.

About Erika Beebe

Author, dreamer, and a momma to a couple of wonderful kids, I try to live life everyday in hope and inspire others along my way.

Posted on January 21, 2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

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